The fear of letting go

It is ten years since we got married. The marriage is blessed with three lovely children- a girl and two boys. Their company is an experience to behold. They revel in the love and company of each other.

Though we have often maintain 3-bedroom apartment since we got married, we have constrained ourselves to just a room for the family, a library and a guest room. The master bedroom has grown from housing a single bachelor to accommodating 5 souls. The first little boy now has two siblings and the space becomes smaller.

Then we have to make adjustments due to the leaking part of the room. We decided to use the library cum play room as our room, while the children maintained the master bedroom as theirs. My wife and I made the hard choice, with my daughter reminding us that certain paraphernalia should be left for the children to use since we have alternatives. We winked and obeyed her, at least for national peace and progress.

We then moved. They owned their room exclusively. They rushed to brush their teeth at night without been prompted. They abandoned the TV set on while they went inside to gist before catching some sleep. We would wake up twice at night to get them to the rest room to pee. But at the slightest cry, the last born would want to sleep on Mummy’s bed. I would remind my wife that it is our room and they have theirs. “But you slept on your Mum’s bed till you were 10 years old or so”. “Yes, I did but I had my room and would often return there to sleep”, I reminded her.

It was then I realized our mutual fears, we didn’t want to let them out of our control. How would it be when they have to proceed to school outside of home? Will it be funny releasing them to go just like that? Now, I understand why some parents are possessive. Letting go may not mean losing it all. It might mean giving up to get more. It might mean letting go to let grow. It might mean letting go to give room for responsibility.

While the fear of letting go is real, the joy of seeing changes orchestrated by the release is more. Once again, I will let go…

This article is from the archives written July 16, 2018.