Who is your Friend

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Who is your friend?

Here was I immersed into the series of videos I got from a friend. Something was happening to my mind as I watched the speaker dissect certain issues. Suddenly, a flash of memories flooded my mind. I remembered how I got the video series. It was through a mutual friend I met the man that gave me. I had gone for a burial in the city, so I slept in his home. He asked me, “have you heard of this author”? “No” I responded.

I began to recall the series of prayers, fellowship and talks we had together in the past years. Pop, I got the idea to write on friendship auditing. Friends come into our lives for various reasons at various seasons, some in need and others indeed. For whatever reason they come, there must be mutual understanding and love. How often do you carry out friendship audit?

I was on course with a group of people few years ago. About three people had problems with some courses which required retaking the exams. In the course of fighting for them to get the issues resolved, I met one of the lecturers. She said to me, “Sola, are you aware that Jane (not real name) is a friend to Lizzy (not real name)”?

“Yes, Ma’am” I am aware.

“Sola, tell me, how can those two people be friends? They are both academically weak. When they have problem, who will help the other?”

I was speechless but I got the message

Friendship auditing is the occasional reflection and rejigging of your friendship list. It is the process of evaluating the relationships you have, to either remove those giving your negative energies or adding people who could ginger you to improve on yourself.

It was about the last class we had with Prof. JS Illah, I had asked him to give us three values we could leave his lectures with for the day. He paused for a while and said, first, the supremacy of intelligence, second, value people and the third I can’t remember. It has been many years since I left the University and I can testify he was right. Friendship can be vertical with people ahead of you or horizontal with your peers. Never build friends that is loop sided. If your current friendship chart is single directional, then you need to change. Both vertical and horizontal relationships are good for a balanced growth. Same goes with placing value on people. Nobody is too small to be respected and nobody is too big for respect.

Here are few Questions to ask while doing the audit;
What do I really want in life? (Eagerness to grow, Need to be accepted, Etc)

Why did I develop that friendship?

Is the relationship beneficial or energy draining?

Do we have mutual respect for each other?

Do we share similar values?

Remember what Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

What are the other questions you think one should while doing friendship auditing? Insert your opinion in the comment section below.


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4 thoughts on “Who is your Friend”

  1. Looking beyond now with the friend around you as that will influence the value you place on such friend…. Wether to cut him or her off or to stick closer.

  2. I just got off the phone with my sister and friend. We spoke about things like these.

    It is a long list for me.
    Thank you for the wise words.🙌

  3. Joseph Oladimeji

    Friendship auditing…Truly worth imbibing!
    I remember advising two students in my department to break their friendship earlier this year. They were both suffering losses from their friendship without realizing it.

  4. Thank you sir for this wonderful piece. It brightens my day…… The part that got me was that of sharing similar values which is very important. God bless you sir.

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